It's So Hard to Say Goodbye

Reflections by Ginnie

Two weeks. Two years has come down to two final weeks. “Where did the time go?” - I ask myself this question multiple times a day lately. There were certainly moments in the past two years when I asked, “How much longer do I have?” but those were few and now I am feeling blue that only two weeks remain.

In my true Ginnie style, I have myself pretty fully booked for these last two weeks of service – a library opening to prepare for, a final teen mom session, the Club GLOW Fun Day, a session with the leadership group, and Standard VI graduation events – so there isn’t much time to just brood, but I can’t help feel at every moment that I need to take it all in because this is the “last time I’ll see/do ... .” Fortunately, I have the solace in knowing that I am not leaving Belize, but it doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye to my volunteer projects and all the people who have been my family, friends, support, coworkers, and so much more throughout this adventure. I am feeling very excited to continue to be a part of Peace Corps’ work in Belize and know this is the right next step and a good way to continue my service to the people who have so openly welcomed me into their lives and culture.

When Anthony and I decided several years ago that we would join the Peace Corps, I could only imagine how this experience would impact my life. I had no real expectations, just wanted to do what I could to help the community in which I was placed and to learn all I could about a new culture. This experience has been the greatest of my life so far, and I am extremely grateful to have Anthony right by my side to share it. He earns much of the credit for getting us to this moment as he has been considering Peace Corps service since at least his college days. We found the ideal time in our lives to take on this journey; it's only inspired us to continue to dedicate ourselves to work we find meaningful and valuable and which helps others develop into their best selves. Peace Corps is such an outstanding organization and I believe strongly in the three goals and the vision of the grass-roots development work we do. By living and working with the people of our communities, we truly became a real part of their way of life. The only problem: it’s temporary and eventually we have to part ways.

I often wonder why I have continually chosen positions in which I am forced to say goodbye to people annually: teaching, higher education, and now Peace Corps. I always see these times as bittersweet – we’ve reached the goal we set for ourselves and our projects and we can move on confidently to the next step, but we have to say goodbye to the people and moments that have impacted us so strongly in the course of our interactions during this time together. I am proud of the teachers, young women, and children with whom I have been so lucky to work and I hope I will find ways to stay connected. Certainly some of us will be in touch always, others may occasionally catch up, but still others will have only had these two years to be in my life (and I in theirs) and it’s hard to close out those relationships. It occurred to me today as I rode my beach cruiser through my neighborhood passing the shops who supply me with all my needs that I am saying goodbye to those relationships as well: my friend at the grocery shop who always gives me random discounts, the ladies at Chef who sell me my tofu, the family at the corner shop who provide our water, cokes, and brief chats... I will always have Belize in my heart and know this will be a home for me forever. I have an understanding of Belize that I will try to share with my friends and family; I sincerely hope I will be able to do justice to the beauty of the people and cultures of this lee, young nation. The most difficult goodbyes, however, are the ones I have to make to the children. Somehow, despite my numerous attempts at preparing them for my departure, they still register looks of utter shock when they ask “Miss, will you be here when school starts?” and I remind them that my service is finished when the school year ends. They are breaking my heart slowly each day. For some children, I may be the only person who pays close attention to them and shows them love, so it makes it that much harder for me to know I will not be there when they look for me in September. I still remember my second day at the school (which was also my birthday) when a young boy came right up to me as I walked onto the compound and just gave me a big hug; I have grown used to this daily ritual from various pikni and will greatly miss their love, too. I was overwhelmed with the scope of my role at that time and the one lee hug was enough to remind me why I came.

For all the sadness of saying goodbye, this experience was well worth every moment, and I am so thankful to now be a little Belizean. Belize gets in your blood (it may be partly due to the copious amounts of Marie Sharps and beans and rice, but primarily to the wonderful people). I am also grateful for all of my family and friends in the US who have supported both Anthony and me through this journey and have even helped our projects – thanks for everything. And to my Belizean family – you are an amazing group of people with so much potential, you will achieve your goals with persistence and determination and your undying faith and I will always be enamored with you and your incredible country.

In the words of that wise philosopher, Dr. Seuss: “How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?”; “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

... and I’ll take with me the memories ...